Pretending to disapprove of your children’s friends to improve their behavior might backfire, according to a recent study.
This research, featured in The Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, reveals that when parents, especially mothers, restrict friendships, it can actually worsen a child’s behavior, harming their social interactions and leading to more adjustment issues.
The study, led by Brett Laursen, Ph.D., from Florida Atlantic University, monitored 562 middle schoolers aged 9 to 14 for an academic year.
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Researchers assessed factors like peer status and conduct problems through nominations and self-reports, while exploring how a mother’s disapproval affects her child’s behavior.
The findings indicated that maternal interventions often backfired, resulting in poorer peer relationships and increased behavior issues, which were the exact problems mothers were attempting to correct.
Interestingly, disapproval led to classmates actively disliking the child, rather than merely distancing themselves. This decline in peer acceptance heightened behavioral issues due to stress and inadequate coping mechanisms.
Furthermore, peer rejection deprived children of opportunities to hone vital social skills, negatively impacting their emotional and social growth.
New York psychologist Dr. Alexandra Stratyner highlighted the risks of isolating children from their peers.
She stated that friendships are essential for identity development during adolescence: “Using friendship bans as punishment can lead to severe consequences. These connections provide vital social learning and, when disrupted, can leave kids feeling isolated and frustrated, often leading to more misbehavior,” she explained.
Rather than interfering in friendships, Stratyner recommends that parents concentrate on strengthening their relationship with their kids. “Prioritizing your connection with your child or teen creates a supportive environment that encourages positive values and healthier friendships,” she noted.
The study suggests encouraging children to engage in supervised, constructive activities, such as adult-led clubs, to foster friendships and reduce chances of negative behavior.
References
Kaniušonytė G, Laursen B. Maternal disapproval of friends in response to child conduct problems damages the peer status of pre‐ and early adolescents. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 2024; Published online first: September 4, 2024. doi: 10.1111/jcpp.14043.