An emotional debate has erupted online after a mother chose not to honor her daughter’s wish to commemorate her late father at her upcoming wedding. The discussion began on Reddit, where user U/MinuteComfortable992 shared her story in the “Am I The A*****?” thread, prompting over 14,000 upvotes.
The mother described her challenging background, explaining that she divorced her ex-husband due to his struggles with alcoholism before he passed away. While her daughter was away in college, she married a new partner, but their relationship remains strained.
As her daughter’s wedding day approaches, the mother expressed both excitement and concern regarding the wedding arrangements. “She wants to include a picture of my late husband in the ceremony, which I get,” she noted.
However, the situation shifted when her daughter made a surprising request. “She wants me to sit next to his photo during the ceremony, while my husband sits elsewhere,” the mother revealed. The plans also included having a photo of the deceased ex-husband at the family table during the reception, again separating her husband from the arrangement.
Uncomfortable with this setup, the mother firmly stated her boundaries. “I told her no, and she got upset, calling me selfish and disrespectful to her and her father’s memory. I said if this is the plan, I can’t attend the wedding,” she shared.
This led to a heated standoff between the two. “She called me a jerk, and now family is involved,” the mother added.
An Expert Weighs In
Lynn Zakeri, a therapist from Chicago, offered her insights on the situation. She highlighted that weddings can amplify existing emotional dynamics, especially within mother-daughter relationships. “Losing a parent to substance issues involves not just grief but trauma,” she explained.
Zakeri noted that many daughters often have high expectations of their mothers during such emotional times, while mothers may hope for more understanding from their daughters. “Most things in life require compromise,” she stated, advocating for a deeper conversation about the daughter’s intentions.
Reddit Reacts
The Reddit community largely sided with the mother, asserting that her daughter’s request was inappropriate. One user commented, “NTA [not the a******]. It sounds creepy and morbid.” Another user emphasized the importance of treating the mother as a person with her own life and relationships, rather than as someone to be displayed alongside a photo of her late ex-husband.
Some commenters even suggested that the daughter’s behavior might stem from resentment over her mother’s remarriage, with one user stating, “She is definitely trying to punish you for remarrying.”