Can men keep up with the demands of modern relationships?
This thought-provoking question was posed by therapist Erin Spahr in a recent viral Instagram video. The discussion focuses on the challenges of emotional labor and the evolving expectations in partnerships today. Spahr points out the imbalance in many marriages, stressing that women often bear the majority of the mental and emotional workload. She encourages men to improve their emotional skills, such as empathy and communication.
In her video, Spahr emphasizes, “Today’s women want an equal partner who actively participates in parenting and household responsibilities. Just being a nice guy with a paycheck isn’t enough anymore.”
Spahr explains that while women have adapted to balancing careers and parenting, men often haven’t been prepared for the changing dynamics these responsibilities entail. She notes that many women today, being highly educated, are unwilling to settle for partnerships that feel like they are single-handedly raising children.
Not everyone agrees with Spahr’s viewpoint, with some users commenting that men have been taught how to treat women while others suggest that issues within relationships stem from women’s actions.
Understanding Modern Motherhood and Burnout
With over a decade of experience working with couples, Spahr has seen the heavy emotional burden modern mothers carry. “Today’s moms juggle domestic tasks, mental loads, and childcare, all while often holding jobs outside the home,” she says. “The idea of ‘having it all’ has turned into doing it all, leading to increased levels of burnout and mental health issues among mothers.”
She underscores a persistent gap between the expectations women have for their partners and the reality of what they receive. While it’s true that men have become more involved than in previous generations, she believes there’s still a long way to go in terms of equal partnership and parenting.
Spahr emphasizes that society has not fully equipped men for the emotional labor required in modern relationships. Many men shy away from opportunities to develop these crucial skills.
“It’s vital for society to encourage boys to explore their emotions and develop empathy, as well as challenge traditional gender roles,” she explains.
Rethinking Emotional Involvement
Many women report feeling exhausted by the emotional demands of parenting while managing full-time careers, only to find that their partners aren’t sharing this emotional burden but rather adding to it. As these concerns arise in relationships, male defensiveness often becomes apparent. However, what women truly seek is emotional understanding and maturity, not just an expression of their partners’ feelings.
According to both Spahr and fellow expert Zavislak, men frequently miss the emotional mark in contemporary relationships. Spahr hopes her video serves as a “wake-up call” for couples to address gender equity and emotional connectivity within their relationships.
The path to improvement lies in men actively listening to women’s concerns, pursuing emotional growth, and taking responsibility in their partnerships. As women increasingly refuse to accept emotionally unequal relationships, men may find themselves needing to adapt—lest they risk losing out on meaningful connections.